Everyone tells you that. But no one tells you what to do when the worst occurs. There’s no guide to it really. You’re preparing for the worst but what the fuck do you do when the worst actually happens? Ahah.. I think its funny for some sick reason.

I’ve been in such of a weird mood today.. and yesterday. I’ll be hopeful one minute and then the exact opposite the next. I’d be cheery and happy for one minute and then I’d be a total bitch the next. So beware..

Ahah.. it’ll all be okay sooner or later. The world didn’t end.

When things fall apart, the things that were basically what you lived for in the past, a thousand memories flow in your head. You think of the good times and you think of the bad times. The bad times are revisited in your head more than once and you’re forever grateful of the good times. When the bad times appear in your head more than it should, you try to think of the exact time where it fell apart, to try to give blame to the incident, and to try to see if you could have prevented it. If you cannot think of a solution, if you can’t think of a possible better scenario to try to relive the past, you say goodbye. You close the door to perhaps, make new memories and possibilities and to open bigger doors. If you keep that existing door open, the further you are away from new doors and happier moments.

But what if you could have prevented everything? What if you had that chance but you took advantage of the situation? What if you didn’t try your best and you just let things shatter right in front of you? That’s when the good times are consistently flowing in your head to remind you there were more good times than bad. That’s when you realize what you had and what you lost. That’s when you realize, you could have tried harder.

That’s when you try to believe.

Someone had me watch the movie “Meet The Robinsons”. Of course I had seen it but at the time, the movie was just another cute animated movie for me to kill time. Little did I know the moral of the movie was simply amazing. The story goes on about a little boy who kept grudges his whole life, who did not move on from the past. He couldn’t be happy because he kept on living in the past. Scene by scene, as the movie went on, the moral of the story was discretely mentioned: Keep moving forward. Well in the end, he finally moved forward; he finally let go of the past and moved on. And he lived on to be a better and happier person.

For the past few weeks, I had the quote in my head. I kept it in there as motivation. I don’t want to live in the past nor do I not want to be happy in my life. I live for the simple things in life; I live to appreciate every fucking little thing in my life; I live to be happy.

Keep moving forward. The quote has a different meaning for me now. Just because it tells you to keep moving forward, doesn’t mean you have to move forward in a sense where you leave one of the most important factors in your life. What if you choose to move forward with the mistakes you did in the past? What if you choose to move forward with the door that made you happy? Moving forward doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t open new doors with the existing door. Moving forward does not force you to completely destroy the door; it simply states that you can do many things with the door that is still open; it states that you can learn from your mistakes; that you move on from them and make new and better memories.

All of this moving forward with the existing door is not something I can do by myself. I’m willing to give it my all; to try to break the damaged door to build a new one. But the door is too strong to break by myself. I can’t do it alone. And if I’m in this by myself, I must believe that new doors will open for me.

But it’s just not what I want.

At all.

..but I’m finally trying to make use of my sewing machine.

I spent the whole day yesterday cleaning and rearranging my room. I love it. It’s nice and roomy and I can’t forget to say it’s refreshing. My desk is adjacent to the window so I can have light and a view (even though its just town homes). This week is going to be favorably busy for me. I have at least 3 projects to do, 2 of which are due this week, and I’ve started on .. none. But here’s to my busy week; Philly and NY the following week.

Think I could make it til then?
We’ll see.

The older I’m getting, the more appreciation I’m getting for my parents. I love them so much. I’m grateful for all of the things that they do for me. I think… they raised me well! Ahhaha. So all of the little tihngs that my mom taught me about cleaning and whatnot, it’s really gotten me far! I’m such a clean freak (thats a good thing living with 3 roommates). My mom knows all of these little tricks on keeping things clean, I’m so happy my mom made me clean the house every Sunday..(I think I’m going to regret saying that) even though I’ll never admit that to my mom. AHha. I’d say I’m the clean freak of the apartment and I think every apartment should have one. I’ve made 3 lists/chores for each person to do, such as trash can duties, kitchen and living room duties. It’s helping out the cleanliness of the apartment. Oh and speaking of…it’s my turn to clean the kitchen and living room. T_T

My mom is a funny person. For the past few weeks, she’s been asking me to find weight loss supplements that are healthy enough for her to take. I keep on telling her to just exercise and whatnot but she keeps on telling me that it’ll just take forever to get one pound off! I guess I should do some research.

I don’t like being ignored. Especially when I just wrote a heartfelt, nice ass gmail to a person that I cared for. I don’t like it one bit. It’s been 2 weeks and I’ve gotten no response. You go on for about 3 years, thinking you were best friends but when an honest email was sent, nothing happens. I suppose the ball is on her court right now but I think the minute she received it, she popped it.

Oh well, she doesn’t deserve me. I hope she has an awesome life with her boyfriend and only her boyfriend.

PS. I just Ebay-ed the heck out of my account. I bought 3 crystal clear cases for my mp3 player, Nintendo DS and phone. All I need to look for is the sd flash memory card for my new Blackberry phone that my friend gave me.

I wonder how many posts I’ve had with this title. There’s not much I can think of about for the subject; it sums it all. So call me naive and too worrisome and young about this subject but keeping friends is a hard thing to do. I’m not dramatic at all. I don’t really ask for much. I want to be treated equally; care for equally. As I continue to go onto this wonderful journey of life, I’m losing a lot of my ‘good’ friends and keeping some. As years go on, incidents occur and you realize who are good friends and sometimes you just just don’t want to come to the horrible conclusion.

I think I lost a friend. A friend that I once thought was one of my best friends. Shit happens and I got shit-ed on. It sucks, it hurts but it happens. It’s funny because, I was never put into this situation; I was usually the one that kinda ended things so I suppose this should be karma.

But in this case, I don’t deserve it at all. I was here for her whenever she needed me, when she called to hang out or talk, I wouldn’t hesitate. My priorities are straight and I don’t believe that my boyfriend is the most important person and the only person in the world. I don’t hang out with my friends whenever he’s not around and I’m not around him 24/7.

I don’t take advantage of my friends. I’m not her. I guess this is enough for this post.

PS. I can’ wait to own my first house and shop for things like patio sets. I’m in love with HGTV and I can’t keep watching the house hunting shows. I’m waiting impatiently and saving my coins carefully..heh.

My organization has been collecting a good amount of money for this charity event that we decided to sponsor. One of the difficult things was to try to find a good online service since there are so many online payment services to choose from. In the end, I think we made a good decision even though it takes a small amount of our money.

But yean, in the end, as least we’re collecting money for the rural schools in China. I’m happy with the amount we’ve managed to raise at this point.

As mentioned earlier, I don’t see why the winter weather is still lurking around us. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Every night, I’d have to cover myself with the blanket because it’s so cold and sometimes Michael likes to steal the blankie so it’s super cold. I’d like to have one of those electric blankets so that I will be warmed even if I’m touching it one bit of it.

For some reason right now, I’m really hot. It’s humid and raining outside which makes the indoors super hot. *fans self*

It’s been awhile since we’ve all seen the nice blazing sun and I think it’s time for it to come out. I mean it’s been out for the last couple of days but its still in the mid 50s so its trickery. I can’t wait until its hot and annoying again. It’s been a long winter and even now, being Spring, it’s still cold as heck! I hope it goes away soon so my friends and I can start planning trips to the beach and what not. We’ve actually started talking about which beach vacation rentals we should look into. We might not even have to do that because my friend’s mom might still have her place at the beach.

I don’t know. We’ll see.
*crosses fingers*

My roommate has been trying to eat healthier and to lose weight for the last couple of weeks. She’s joined a local gym and she hired a short term personal trainer. Ahah I admire her motivation to start eating healthier because I know how hard it is. I’m such an unhealthy eater, I love meats so much and I rarely eat vegetables. I also admire her making calorie excel sheets of everything she eats, ahhah which I still think is ridiculous but I guess I’m just glad that she’s taking all of her time doing this rather than to just look for the best diet pills without doing any work.